October Ask the Manifestation Maven
Dear Kimberly,
I spend all my time meeting obligations to other people, going to meetings where nothing gets done and doing work that lacks meaning for me. When I get home my family has more demands of me and I have nothing left for them. They are just more people who are pulling on me. It sounds horrible to say it like that, but that’s how it feels. And I don’t want to feel that way. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I can’t figure out how this got to be my life. Melinda
Dear Melinda,
I’ll bet that at some point in your life you were rewarded for putting others first. And that sounds great, in theory. But when you spend all of your time and energy meeting other people’s needs and expectations, without attending to your own, you will usually end up resentful or depressed. Or both.
It’s time to examine your beliefs about what it means to be a “good” partner, parent and person, because the inner rules you’ve got going on right now are not supporting you. Make a list of the different roles you play in life and write down, for each, “A good _____ is ___________.” So, for instance, you might discover beliefs such as: a good mother takes her children wherever they want to go.. A good daughter visits her Dad every day at the nursing home. A good wife is always available to her husband.
If the beliefs that are limiting you aren’t immediately apparent, look at your behavior for clues. You might not be aware of a belief that a good team player consistently deprives herself of rest, exercise and proper nutrition for work, but what do your actions say?
Once you are more aware of which beliefs are keeping you in an unhappy, exhausted place, you can start consciously creating new ones. In the meantime, please be compassionate with yourself, seek out the support of a coach or counseling professional if that feels like it would be helpful and work on saying “no.” (More on that next month!) Kimberly
Do you have a question for Kimberly? Email support@kimberlyschneider.com with the subject line: Ask the Manifestation Maven. Kimberly Schneider, M.Ed., J.D., LPC, is the host of Conscious Manifesting on WebTalkRadio.net and a regular contributor on the Great Day St. Louis TV show. She is the author of Beyond Abundance: A Home Study Course on the Cornucopia Method of Manifestation, which teaches a powerful, proven five step process for creating more of what you want in life (and less of what you don’t). . Kimberly is a lawyer, counselor, poet, transformational speaker, spiritual adventurer, world traveler, alchemist, wife and mother to 2 extraordinary children–one of whom has special needs. She awakens entrepreneurs and other extraordinary individuals to the power of conscious manifestation and the joy of meaningful work. Request Kimberly’s FREE Conscious Life Creation e-course and find out “Why the Secret Isn’t Working and what you can do about it” at www.TheManifestationMaven.com.
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October 28th, 2009 at 8:53 am
I agree with Kimberly. If you don’t have “me”time, you will feel like you have lost yourself. There is a fine balance between the two. This reminds me of when we are on an airplane, how they say to put your oxygen mask on first before you go to help others.