Since I returned from Ireland at the end of July, I’ve felt a bit unmoored.
In some ways, I’m more grounded than ever, alive to the beauties and joys of life and noticing a new space and expansiveness in myself. And yet….
I’m used to knowing exactly where I’m going. Goal oriented. Task driven. But lately I find myself questioning many things, including many of the structures I’ve created in my career and my life. Recently I sought out an intuitive reading from Feng Shui Success Strategist Linda Binns. During our time together I told Linda I was looking for guidance on “what’s my next step?”
The wise answer Linda gave me to me was the one my heart already knew (and my head was hoping to avoid) “Your next step is to get comfortable with not knowing your next step.”
I’m dancing with Uncertainty. AKA The Unknown. The Void. The Abyss.
I ought be used to her by now; Uncertainty is my old companion. But I have to admit… I often act like she’s not there. I cover her with plans. I hide her with activities. I push her away with distractions and to do lists. I pretend that I know what will happen today, tomorrow and next year…and I hope she’ll quietly move on to someone who pays her more attention.
Here’s a shocker for you: I’m starting to think she’s not going to go away.
This week I was considering a personal life challenge and running possible solutions through my mind. As I pondered a very old response to the even older challenge, a Raven/Crow flew right in front of my car and did a summersault before flying away.
Raven. One of my power animals. Trickster. Specialist in moving between worlds. Intimate with Death. Messenger from the Otherworld.
Yesterday I went outside to pray and commune with nature. Raven/Crow flew over my head. So I lay down in the grass, closing my eyes, assuming the yogic posture known as “corpse pose” and asked “Raven what do you want me to know?”
Here’s what Raven showed me:
When I feel challenged or threatened, I typically resort to one of 3 responses:
Attack (also known as “figure it out/solve it/make it go away.” This is my most common response because it has often worked for me before. I’m finding it less effective these days.)
Defend (this takes the form of justifying my current position. Hint: this one rarely works out so well. I wouldn’t recommend it.)
Run Away (aka ignore it…pretend it’s not there. This strategy has been about as successful as persuading my teenage daughter to enjoy eating kale and ruby red chard).
Raven was letting me know that none of these plans will work to resolve the old pattern.
Which begs the question: If none of the options I understand will work in this situation, what do I do?
Ah….we’re back to Uncertainty, aren’t we?
I realize once again just how uncomfortable that is for me.
And yet isn’t the resistance to Uncertainty what inhibits our evolution as a species? How often do we make the same mistakes, find ourselves in the tired old fights, because we can’t see any other option? Perhaps making friends with Uncertainty is a prerequisite to a new way of being.
And so I surrender to not knowing. I commit to doing nothing until something new occurs to me. And in the meantime I commit to letting go, over and over again, of my mind’s attempts to resolve my perceived problem via habitual behaviors.
I was reading about Crows and Ravens yesterday and I ran across an interesting tidbit of trivia. Wikipedia describes these birds as capable of “remarkable feats of problem solving.”
I’m trusting genius level solutions to rise to the surface of this pool of Uncertainty.
I’ll let you know when that happens.
Meanwhile, feel free to share with me your own stories of transformation through surrendering to Uncertainty. I’d love to hear them!